Catch that Chicken

My aunt wanted to cook one of the chickens in honor of my visit. She asked my uncle to catch the chicken but then the first day she asked the chicken ran away. The next day she asked the chicken started to lay eggs. The next day she asked my father and I went into the city and bought meat that had to be cooked soon. Then finally, one fine day, my uncle remembered to go into the coup before letting the chickens out, and he caught that chicken. Then he beheaded it. He said usually it has a headless fit for a while after he chops off its head, but this time I didn't see it having an epileptic fit, which was disappointing. I wish I could have taken a video of a headless chicken running around. I asked him how he felt in his soul after slaughtering a chicken and he said it felt really good. I didn't take a picture of him holding the headless chicken because it really wasn't that interesting to look at, it was hard to tell where the head should have been because of all the feathers.

Then my aunt feathered the chicken. I never knew this, but apparently all you have to do is put the chicken with all its feathers into water that just boiled and leave it in for a few minutes, very quickly pull it out and also, very quickly pull out all its feathers. I had no idea that the feathers come out so easily. It looked like feathers might be very painful to have because some of them were wedged very deep into the skin of the chicken. I think I might be glad that I don't have feathers.

After this fiasco in the morning my father and I went off to get his documents straightened out in the city. The day before this I met a lady who knows my father. She owns one of the Romanov's era houses (the ones that were built by the workers that came with the tsar's family to build their complex). She rents out her house to the tourists (for only $25 per week, so cheap for a house that's antique!) and my father sometimes does work for her in the yard. This lady asked me how I live with my aunt, she was very curious, she used to be a neighbor of my family, and I don't know what her prerogative was. Maybe she was honestly concerned, maybe she was very curious to talk to me because I'm from another country, also, a LOT of people are sincerely eager to speak with me at least once because of the fact that I'm a daughter that came across the world to meet her father after he left her 19 years ago. 

I wasn't sure if she was going to be someone that likes to go around spreading rumors, but I thought, what the hell, I have so much on my mind, and I've got to talk to someone about it. Another thing was that I don't know my family well at all, and I wanted to know what other people say about my aunt and my father. So I told her about how much I like my aunt and her family and about all my grievances with my father. One thing that I was very happy about is that I got to take a shower in her house because I complained about the fact that my aunt's house has no running water, let alone a shower, and that I haven't taken a shower in maybe three or four days at that point. Also, she got very passionate about me helping my father. She said, "you have to do a kind deed. Let it be that your father is a drunk, I also have a husband who's a drunk, but I feel so sorry for him and I help him sometimes. Sometimes I do something for him and then I hate him and say, why did I ever do that?! But then I know that if I didn't I would feel bad, so I love and hate him at the same time."

She really wanted me to help my father by sending him to America. She said, "he'll definitely do anything for your mom if you take him with you, he will help, I know." She also said, "before you leave make sure that you take care of the paperwork so that his house becomes yours, he always said that his house is yours, but you make sure and put it in your name, that's the least he can do for you after doing nothing for all these years." At this point I was still very upset at my father for how he met me and brought me into Abastumani and I felt very heavy on my heart. I was putting off a conversation with him because I was planning not to speak with him for the rest of my trip because I didn't feel like I could handle it. But when she said all that I got really excited and happy and after taking a shower I ran to find him and tell him that I want him to take care of the paper work for the house and that I will definitely send him to America.

So the next day I got dressed up for the occasion because I saw that my dad was shaving and making a big to do about it. I felt very optimistic about him and we spent the day, I thought, very nicely. Later on though I realized a few things that I did not notice while I was out on the day trip with him. He asked me that day to give him my money because he wanted to be able to pay for things because he was ashamed that I would pay when he's with me. I thought, sure why not, I'll do him that kind deed, it didn't seem like much. I also took him to a restaurant and we bought a bunch of stuff at the bazaar. 

Later on I realized this was a mistake. We have a saying in Russia, if you let a pig sit at the table, it'll crawl on the table. That's what my dad did. We took care of some documents and the next day I didn't want to have to go into the city with him again, it was a tiring journey. I left $25 with him, not because he needed it, but because it was in his pocket, left over after everything we'd spent. It doesn't sound like much in America, but in Georgia that is a LOT of money, I could have bought my aunt all kinds of groceries on that money, but he came back the next day from his trip without any money and demanded from me to buy him cigarettes. I didn't and he got offended. 

It's upsetting because he pretends that it hurts him to have to ask me for money, yet every chance he gets he wants me to spend money on him in the restaurant, and to give him money for his own expenses as thought I'm supposed to support him here, in his own home. He also wants me to pay off his debts. The first day we went into town after I said I'd take him to live with my mom I had to go to the bank. I withdrew some cash and he started smiling at me and said, "listen, can you give me $100, I have to pay off a debt to someone." I said, "no, pay off your own debt." I was SO upset at him for daring to ask me to pay for that. 

My father should be doing everything he can to show that he's sorry, and instead he keeps asking for more and more from me. It was even more upsetting that the taxi driver that gave us a ride into town that day was the person he wanted to pay off his debt to. I realized this after my father asked me for the money because the taxi driver took us REALLY far for only some gas money, and I thought he was just being nice, but later I realized that my father promised him that I would pay his debt off to him. He didn't even ask me! And he made this agreement right in front of me, because I don't understand Georgian.

Below is my father's school that he went to. My cousin also went to this school.

This is a waterfall next to the natural springs of sulfur waters that have medicinal powers. The Romanov's medicinal pools. I didn't photograph them, maybe later I'll go inside and do so. 

This is a statue of the Tsaritsa Tamara. She was the only female ruler of Georgia, after her, her son took over and ruined Georgia's domains.

My Yard

Many things have happened since I started this blog. I meant to record the happenings of each day briefly, but I don't remember anymore what happened on what day and in what order. I remember that after I yelled at my father about crossing the yard for me he disappeared and I was certain that he went to get drunk because instead of following me into my aunt's house like I thought he should have, he disappeared in the direction of the store. 

Everyone in the village was outraged by his behavior, but everyone kept saying "if only you take him to America to be with your mom he'll be a changed man, he won't drink." At that point I thought that my troubles consisted of him drinking and I was worried that he wouldn't stop drinking. I was very afraid that he would go to live with my mom, who has a very difficult personality, and start drinking from sorrow. It turned out that my father had a personality very similar to hers, perhaps they will understand each other just fine.

Later that day I talked to my mother on the phone and she made me cry. The conversation started off fine. She made jokes and spoke in a very gentle tone of voice, then I said "I'm sorry, mom, we're all sitting at the dinner table and everyone is waiting for me to stop talking so we can eat dinner." It was the second time in a row that she'd called during dinner time, and she pointed this out and then changed her tone of voice into accusations and insults. I have been used to this from her and desensitized to her mind games. There was a time, very recently actually, when she could have me crying and screaming for mercy within the duration of just five minutes. 

This time, I started crying because I was already upset from everything else that was happening. I ran outside and sat down on the bench next to the chicken coup and everyone was trying to make me feel better and then my father appeared with a bouquet of wild roses. He stood dumbfounded and didn't know what was going on, everyone else was hugging me and petting me, even the dog, Dgeko, came up and put his front paw on my foot and licked my leg to make me feel better. My father didn't say anything but after everyone calmed me down we all went back to dinner, and my dad followed me. 

That day we had dinner and everything was perfect. Everyone was nice to him, even though he's long ruined his relationships with my aunt's husband and son. My aunt was happy and kept saying "Now he sees how much your mother has been torturing you all your life he's ashamed that he's doing the same thing with you when you're here, everything's going to be different now, you'll he'll change." I went to sleep apprehensive but hopeful. It turned out that drinking was only one of his many vices.

This is the chicken coup and the bench on which I sat down the first day I arrived, that I later found out was my favorite bench in my childhood.

This is my aunt's shack. My cousin said that all the rocks were brought in by my father when he was drunk so that he can build a wall out of them around a piece of land near our house.

This is the full yard. To the left, the pink brick and the terrace without glass in the window panes is my father's house. There used to be glass in the panes, maybe he sold the glass to buy some vodka, no one has explained to me yet why the glass is missing, just that it used to be there.

This was also brought in by my father, it's next to the rocks. I guess it's supposed to be part of the wall that he never finished building.

This is the piece of land my father started building the wall around, you see the wall that he started. This land is literally across a little side road that runs past our yard. He told me that in Georgia you can just "claim" land by building on it. It won't be legally yours and if someone tries to buy it you'll lose it, but it's not illegal for you to build or grow things on this land, until someone buys it. My dad hopes to have me buy it for him and for him to build a house on it with his own hands. I don't think he'll ever do it. As you see, so far, he can't even finish building a wall. He did the same thing in Russia, when he was much better off financially. He started building a house and never finished it, to this day the foundation for the house stands and the logs that were already put up for the wall have been rotting because he never put a roof over it.

This is the side road that goes past our yard. I don't know what is kept in this shack.

The faucet you see below is where I go to brush my teeth every morning, and wash my face and we walk here to fill buckets all day for anything we need.

This is one of the bridges for crossing the little river that surrounds us.

This is a high rise building near the one I was staying at, very close to our yard.

This is one of the buildings that have been restored from the Romanov's family. It was being used as a rest house, kind of like a hotel, only during Soviet times these rest houses were really cheap and had really tasty food that was practically free at the restaurant. I don't know how it is there now.

Another Romanov's building. It was never restored so it has rotted from within. It used to be a sanatorium, I don't know what that means in English but that's the word they use in Russian, and now it's no longer functioning.

Rainbow Trout

I had a bunch of photos from my childhood where the adults lay in the grass while I and the other children stood and picked flowers. Now I thought I'd recreate the photo pose, there's just no kids around yet. 

My uncle caught a rainbow trout early in the morning while everyone was still asleep.

The fish then continued to live in this tin tub for the next hour, my uncle says "somewhere about 33 years and 23 months."

On my second day in Abastumani I found that I really love my aunt. She helped my parents raise me until I was 4 years old. Everyone in Abastumani thought she was my real mother and that my father and mother were just pretending to be my parents to hide my aunt's secret (that she had me out of wed lock). My uncle is really funny and nice and my cousin loves me like a sister. I liked spending time with them much more than with my own father. Their energy is always positive and they never make me feel uncomfortable. My father on the other hand was trying to make me believe that my aunt didn't love me anymore and that she didn't meet me when I arrived because she just didn't care about me.

When my father realized that I really like my aunt and her family he became extremely jealous. He promised never to drink again after I arrived, but then, because his plan to get me to stop talking to my aunt wasn't working and because he saw that I like her more than himself he went and got drunk again. I came into my apartment to get something of mine and noticed that he reeked of alcohol and I was so upset and disappointed that I ran back to my aunt's and asked to get all my things from my apartment and to move into their house right then and there. They live in a one room house and my cousin sleeps on one bed and my aunt and uncle on the other. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable by moving in, but they said that my uncle and cousin will move into an empty house across the yard that one of their friends gave them the key to, for safe keep, and my aunt and I will stay in their house at night. 

My father was making me very uncomfortable, even before he got drunk this time, because he refused to come in and eat dinner with my aunt's family, but I really wanted to spend time with them. I wanted to eat dinner with my aunt, and breakfast and lunch. I felt like there needed to be two of me, so that one can spend time with my father and the other with my aunt. Because my father was the one who made me feel this way I decided that he was the one I needed to leave. So I ran off to my aunt and my cousin helped me get my stuff from the apartment. I thought I wasn't going to talk to my father for the rest of my time here in Abastumani. It really hurt me to see him this way and I felt that I  had to turn my heart cold toward him because I didn't want to hurt any more. I have had enough pain in my life and during the past year so many good things have happened to me that I was very afraid of having any new painful experiences. I really don't want to feel any more pain, although I realize that there's no way to guarantee happiness on earth. 

My aunt really wanted me to not give up on my father though, and she kept telling me to invite him for every meal even though he always refused. This time, even though I decided in my heart that I didn't want to talk t him any more, she still asked me to invite him, and I tried to. He said no, and I got so upset, I couldn't help it anymore and I yelled at him, not very loudly, but louder than I speak normally, with passion. I told him "when I'm at my aunt's house you're missing time with me because you refuse to be in the house with her, but you haven't seen me for 19 years and I'm leaving soon, how can you say you don't want to be with my aunt when that's where I am?" And he said "yes, I'm missing time with you, but that's how it is, I can't spend time with her." I got so mad at him when he said this and yelled, "your daughter flew across half the world for you, and you don't want to walk across the yard for her!" and I stormed out. My heart was pounding and my hands started shaking. My mother used to make me really upset, but not quite as upset as this. My hands often shook from her and I often cried from her, but I've never had my heart pound so hard as it did this time. 

I really wished that I didn't have a father. I wished that my aunt and uncle were my parents and that my cousin was my real brother. I did not anticipate that I would feel this way. For 19 years I wondered if my father still thinks about me and loves me just to find that when I finally did see him I did not want him in my life, the presence of him made me nauseous. I thought my childhood and adulthood would have been so much easier with my father in my life, and here I found him making my life miserable after all these years. He reminded me of all the worst people I've ever known. If my aunt wasn't there I don't know how I would have survived these 18 days in Abastumani. I would have been devastated, I don't know how to deal with this situation, but she has helped me make the best of one of the worst and most confusing challenges I've ever faced.

Hike up to the Observatory

While I was wilting away in the roshya with Gosha my father came along to bother me. I was still trying to act like everything is okay even though I was very upset at the way things went when he met me at the airport. I was also very eager to see as much of Abastumani as is possible in the first 24 hours that I'm there. I was very excited. My father wanted to see if we can take the elevator up to the observatory, but it wasn't going to start working until later in the day. I used to go to kindergarten up there so I really wanted to go up right then and there and so we started to make our way up the short path through the forest. It's a mile up the mountain's incline.

These are toxic mushrooms, Amanita.

Below is a wild lily. My mom's name is Lilia. Lilies seem so delicate and gentle, my mom is not delicate or gentle.

I caught a butterfly on camera! I noticed these butterflies are all over the place.

We got to the observatory. I didn't go inside, but here it is:

When I was standing where my dad stands below I suddenly remembered seeing this place before. I know I've been there in my childhood but I never had a clear memory of it. It wasn't a place that I would recollect throughout my life. But once I got here, and stood in the spot my father is standing in on this photo I suddenly realized that I've stood there before and had thoughts and impressions of this place, many years ago, as a child.

This is a kindergarten that I used to attend next to the observatory:

Above were some more photos of the buildings in the observatory complex at the top of the mountain.